WOTD :::vulnerability:::

For the first time in my life, I feel completely vulnerable.

New city.
New job.
New home.
New financial obligations.
New love.
New friends.
New responsibilities.

Nothing is safe.

vulnerability

[[[noun form of vulnerable]]]

vul·ner·a·ble adj.

1. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.

2. Susceptible to attack
3. Open to censure or criticism; assailable.



• New city.

I recently relocated from New Jersey to Washington, DC. All I have known my whole life is New Jersey. I spent 23 years and 2 months as a NJ resident. My mom got a job in Virginia and just peace'd out, so it's not even like I can go visit her in NJ because that isn't "home" anymore.

So here I am in the nation's capitol. Trying to get comfortable.

Do you know how annoying it is to go from being able to give people directions ANYwhere including the landmarks without a second thought to having to pull up Google Maps every time you need to find a CVS or gas station? UGH. I've been pretty good about learning where NOT to go alone at night, though...which is pretty much OUTSIDE.

• New job.

I am a fresh & hot off the press college graduate. I plan on going back to school soon, but until then I need a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food on my table. What better way to make that happen than to score a job?! I'm just beginning to stop having inner panic attacks whenever I speak to the CEO. He's really cool, actually.

• New home.

I mentioned that I live in DC now. That includes a new place to live. Since Mom's new house in VA is still a little foreign to me, it's "home" but not. Which means I need to make my first apartment my new home. I haven't even really got the decorating thing poppin' yet, but I'm working on it. I'm trying to make this place as cozy as possible. Make it mine. Basically "I'm going home" no longer implies Mom's house.

• New financial obligations.

I do not depend on anybody but me. Financially, that is. I pay my own rent. Phone bills. Car insurance. Car maintenance. Credit card bills. Loans. Health insurance. If I'm not paying for it, then I don't have it. I swear I have holes, not just in my pockets, but in my bank account. Sigh.

• New love.

I have had boyfriends before. I've dated. I've played. I've pimped. But this? This right here? Now when I see females doing slightly psycho ish, I truly understand. For some reason, your sanity cannot exist in the same place as your heart. I am crazy. In love. Hopefully, for the first and last time.

• New friends.

So in this category, I have been beyond blessed. Somehow, some way I have located the best people the DMV (DC-Maryland-Virginia area) has to offer. Yeah, it is hard being the new kid on the block, but I feel so comfortable with these people. They have made my transition less turbulent.

• New responsibilities.

I mentioned all of those bills I'm paying, right? Alright. Just checking. Taking care of an apartment--no matter what its size--is also a bit of work. And where is my daggone internet?! And crap, I forgot to make sure pest control can get inside to spray today...you have to take preventative measures. Ugh...just remembered that I haven't taken my car to get a new starter yet if that is even what the issue is. And oh, how I wish I could call Mom and tell her I need a dentist appointment. Now, she'd be like "...and..." so I need to figure out which doctor, dentist, ob-gyn and dermatologist I should go to in DC. I still haven't started studying for the GRE yet. Alright. I'm going to stop now. Because I see where this is going.

This is just a glimpse of the new beginnings I am sorting through right now. I'm not complaining. Not at all. I have so much to be thankful for. But I have so many things that are "susceptible to attack" and deal with so many situations where I am "susceptible to physical or emotional injury." Some people (usually the older folk) don't agree with how I've just stepped out into the unknown and am pretty much on my own...so I am also "open to censure or criticism and assailable."

At the same time, I have never felt so strong and independent. I have been learning more about myself recently than in all of my 23 years combined.

I've learned that I'm not as shy as I thought I was.
I'm not as out-going as I thought I was.
I get along with pretty much anyone.
People really irk me.
Being alone is good for me sometimes.
I cannot stand being alone sometimes.
I am not involved in as much as I want/need to be.
I do way too much.
I adapt to new situations quickly.
I am not always ready for change.
I love hard.
I am stingy with my love.

& it goes on & on...

When it comes down to it, we need these moments of vulnerability.

When you feel you are at your weakest point is when you find and identify your strengths.