HGKWW ::: all grown...out?

Over the past few years I've seen more and more women decide to go natural by doing the "Big Chop"...

I was 13 years old when I decided two years of burning my scalp every 6-8 weeks with Just For Me was enough.

But there was no way in Beelzebub's house that I was going to do the Big Chop. A baby fro was NOT what was hott in middle school & I couldn't imagine myself without long hair anymore.

So I grew my relaxer out. And oh, how I wish I knew the things that I know now.

Having two entirely different textures on your head is really frustrating. They react to products differently and demand different amounts of attention.

Many transitioning women depend on braids, twists and weaves to get them through the change. But what if that is not in the budget or simply not your style? What if you just want to know how to deal with your own hair?

First, I must warn you. It will NOT be easy. This is part of the reason why women are so proud of their natural locks when they start to see progress. You work for it. It does not, however, have to be a painful process.

A few things to keep in mind...

1. DEEP CONDITION!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keeping the moisture and protein in your hair balanced will so crucial to avoiding breakage. The bond between your relaxed hair and new growth is weak and fragile. Neglecting to keep your hair conditioned is asking for trouble.
2. ADJUST YOUR ROUTINE!!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, what was working for your relaxed hair may not be working out all too well for your new growth and vice versa. You will have to look around for products that make both hair textures happy.
3. EMBRACE YOUR CURLS!!!!!!!!!! Learning to give the flat iron a rest from time to time is a big step. Avoiding styling with heat will help decrease the amount of breakage you might see. Manipulating your hair all of the time never allows it to rest.
4. COMB WHEN WET!!!!!!!!!! I had to learn to not try to do too much combing and detangling when my hair was dry. All I would hear is "snap snap snap" from my relaxed hair breaking from my new growth. You still have to be gentle when the hair is wet, though. Combing the hair while the conditioner is still in it helps with the detangling process. Experiment with styling your hair when it is wet.

I am going to start posting on transitioning hair from time to time. Sometimes you need a little pep talk! Set goals for yourself and reach out to others like you, even if it's just on natural hair forums. Feel free to comment on this post with questions...that'll help inspire future posts!!! Even if I don't know the answer off the top of my head, I don't mind doing a little research to help out!

140+ ::: Gold Diggers

Do you know that song by Teirra Marie called "Sponsor"? Why did it get so much heat? Why can the fellas sing/rap about how they can buy us nice things & then get upset when we sing/rap about all the nice things you buy us?!!!

Let me tell you one got-dang thing. The way you present yourself affects who you attract.

A gold digger isn't gonna hover around a guy who isn't showing her all of his money.

If u don't want a woman who is mainly about ur money, then don't try to court women using mainly ur money. Duh, fool.

Now me, personally? I do not like to take things from men. So you will never hear me cry to my man about anything other than some cuddle time. No Gucci, Michael Kors, Fendi, Jimmy Choo, Chanel, Prada, Givenchy for me unless I bought it my daggone self. There is a whole spectrum of women and I just happen to be on one extreme end.

If you are trying to attract a cool, funny lady who you can have some nice conversations with, then be cool and funny and start a nice conversation.

Or you can flash your cash and be surprised when the material girls show up.

HGKWW ::: "Do as I say & not as I do"

When it comes to my hair, I am far from a saint. I have some lazy ways and bad habits. Yes. Shame on me. If I wasn't blessed with so much hair, I swear I'd be bald.

College made the laziness REALLY kick in because I always found an excuse not to carry out my hair routine (meetings, coursework, SLEEP). Part of the reason I started the natural hair posts on my blog is to create some kind of accountability for myself. Yes, people always ask me how I got my hair to do this and that...but it's hard to tell people what to do when you're not doing it yourself. Guilt will keep poking you in the ribs, reminding you that you are not practicing what your preach.

Now that I have completed my undergrad career, I have more time to focus on me. This includes taking better care of my hair again.

In my last post, I gave the basic rundown of how you should go about washing your hair. In the interest of keeping it simple, I didn't go into which shampoos and conditioners should be used and how often and so on.

FIRST
Here is a 2 minute tutorial on understanding protein and moisture (more in-depth post coming soon):

• Moisture: water gives hair elasticity
• Protein: gives hair strength and structure 
• Your hair needs to have a balance of moisture and protein to be healthy and avoid breakage.
• How to tell what your hair needs:

THE WET ASSESSMENT

Use this chart to evaluate your hair while running through it with a comb or your fingers.

When your hair is…	& it does this…	Then you need…
Wet or Dry	Stretches slightly and returns to original length w/o breaking	Neither more protein or moisture—you are BALANCED
Wet or Dry	Stretches a little more than normal before breaking	More protein
Wet or Dry	Keeps stretching with no significant breakage	More protein
Wet	Feels weak, mushy or limp	More protein
Wet or Dry	Snaps with little to no stretching	More moisture
Dry	Feels rough, dry & brittle	More moisture

If you aren't really sure about what your hair needs from how it behaved, then add more moisture to be on the safe side.

Now all of this was important because there are protein based and moisture based products. You need to know what your hair needs in order to know which products you need to be using and how often.

• SHAMPOOS
• Moisturizing Shampoo (use 1-2 times a week)
• soften & detangle hair, sodium/ammonium lauryl sulfate free
• Neutragena Triple Moisture Cream Lather Shampoo, Creme of Nature Shampoo, Aveda Sap Moss Shampoo
• Clarifying Shampoo (use 1-2 times a month)
• remove hair product buildup, gives squeaky clean feeling
• Pantene Pro-V Purity Shampoo, Suave, AVEDA Detox, V05
• CONDITIONERS
• Deep Conditioner (use protein or moisture based depending on hair needs; use once a week after moisturizing shampoo for 30-40 minutes under a hooded dryer, if possible)
• Moisturizing: Neutrogena Triple Moisture Daily Conditioner or Deep Recovery Mask, Dove Intense Moisture, Herbal Essences Replenishing Conditioner, Ms. Jessie's Rapid Recovery Treatment
• Protein: Suave Humectant, ORS, Motions Moisture Silk
• Leave In Conditioner (Use after shampooing hair or as daily water-based moisturizer)
• Moisturizing: Neutragena Triple Moisture Silk Touch Leave In, Kinky Curly Knot Today, Motions Spray Leave-In
• Protein: Cantu Shea Butter Leave In, Mane & Tail

There are hundreds of products out there. I only listed a few products I have used before (& boy have I tried a TON of hair products). Go out there & experiment! Research your products! Don't just trust the brand and the label.

***Also...just because something is in the "ethnic hair care" aisle does NOT mean it is the best for your hair. I purposely included brand names like Neutrogena, Dove & Herbal Essences because many times we write those products off since we grow up thinking they aren't made "for us." We become married to the products we grew up using, but we really don't need to be. For example, you will only find hair grease under ethnic hair care, but grease is not even good for your hair!!!!!! Don't limit yourself to a product line because it is packaged in shades of brown or has a brown-skinned woman on the front of it. EXPAND!!!!!!!!! EXPLORE!!!!!!!!!! EXPERIMENT!!!!!!!!

The Wet Assessment Source

HGKWW ::: all washed up!!!

Washing your hair may seem as simple as slapping your favorite shampoo around in your hair for a couple minutes before rinsing it out...but there is a little more to it.

There actually is a right way to wash your hair.

Before I say anything else, though...do yourself a favor and buy a shower comb!!! They really are that great, especially if your hair is natural. There is such a difference between how a regular comb versus a shower comb glide through your hair when detangling in the shower. Plus, there is much less of a risk of ripping your hair out.

I usually co-wash (washing hair with conditioner...post coming soon), but this will focus on how to correctly execute a basic wash using shampoo, conditioning the hair afterward.

TIP: Before we begin, I strongly recommend placing your hair into sections. This allows you to manuever through your hair more easily and results in less tangling. It will also make the rinsing process quicker and more effective.

ONE: Rinse your hair for about a minute or two before adding shampoo. You want to saturate your hair and rid it of any topical debris, dirt and oil. You also want to make sure all hair product buildup is gone before you add shampoo

TIP: Warm or cold water are fine to wash your hair with (notice I did NOT say scalding hot); however, I recommend using warmer water initially to help open the cuticles and cooler water for the final rinse to close and seal them.

TWO: After getting a lather going in your hands, work the shampoo on to your scalp and NOT the ends of your hair. This is where washing your hair in sections may come in handy, especially for thicker hair. Shampoo is actually very drying on the ends of your hair, something I learned only a few years ago, so you will want to focus on using it to clean the scalp and near the roots of your hair.

TIP: Use your fingers to rub and massage--not scratch--your scalp. Although it feels so good sometimes and we might even remember Mom giving our scalp a good scratch'n when we were younger...your fingernails really should not be making that much contact with your scalp, if any. Scratching damages and irritates the skin, which is not conducive to a healthy scalp.

THREE: Rinse WELL. Time permitting, repeat shampoo process. You might want to allow the shampoo to rest for a couple minutes before rinsing it out the second time around. This gives the shampoo more time to bind to any leftover dirt and oil from the first round. Rinse THOROUGHLY.

FOUR: Apply a conditoner, focusing on the hairline and ends of the hair. Remember that good ol' shower comb? Use it to comb conditioner through the hair, which will smooth and detangle the hair. Place shower cap on your head to allow the conditioner to do its work for about 10 minutes before rinsing.

Simple, right?

There are different kinds of shampoos and conditoners that all have different effects and purposes, depending on what your hair needs. Do your research! Make sure you know what you are putting in your hair and if you are giving it what it needs. And of course, I'm always here to help you find your way ;-)

WOTD :::vulnerability:::

For the first time in my life, I feel completely vulnerable.

New city.
New job.
New home.
New financial obligations.
New love.
New friends.
New responsibilities.

Nothing is safe.

vulnerability

[[[noun form of vulnerable]]]

vul·ner·a·ble adj.

1. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury.

2. Susceptible to attack
3. Open to censure or criticism; assailable.



• New city.

I recently relocated from New Jersey to Washington, DC. All I have known my whole life is New Jersey. I spent 23 years and 2 months as a NJ resident. My mom got a job in Virginia and just peace'd out, so it's not even like I can go visit her in NJ because that isn't "home" anymore.

So here I am in the nation's capitol. Trying to get comfortable.

Do you know how annoying it is to go from being able to give people directions ANYwhere including the landmarks without a second thought to having to pull up Google Maps every time you need to find a CVS or gas station? UGH. I've been pretty good about learning where NOT to go alone at night, though...which is pretty much OUTSIDE.

• New job.

I am a fresh & hot off the press college graduate. I plan on going back to school soon, but until then I need a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food on my table. What better way to make that happen than to score a job?! I'm just beginning to stop having inner panic attacks whenever I speak to the CEO. He's really cool, actually.

• New home.

I mentioned that I live in DC now. That includes a new place to live. Since Mom's new house in VA is still a little foreign to me, it's "home" but not. Which means I need to make my first apartment my new home. I haven't even really got the decorating thing poppin' yet, but I'm working on it. I'm trying to make this place as cozy as possible. Make it mine. Basically "I'm going home" no longer implies Mom's house.

• New financial obligations.

I do not depend on anybody but me. Financially, that is. I pay my own rent. Phone bills. Car insurance. Car maintenance. Credit card bills. Loans. Health insurance. If I'm not paying for it, then I don't have it. I swear I have holes, not just in my pockets, but in my bank account. Sigh.

• New love.

I have had boyfriends before. I've dated. I've played. I've pimped. But this? This right here? Now when I see females doing slightly psycho ish, I truly understand. For some reason, your sanity cannot exist in the same place as your heart. I am crazy. In love. Hopefully, for the first and last time.

• New friends.

So in this category, I have been beyond blessed. Somehow, some way I have located the best people the DMV (DC-Maryland-Virginia area) has to offer. Yeah, it is hard being the new kid on the block, but I feel so comfortable with these people. They have made my transition less turbulent.

• New responsibilities.

I mentioned all of those bills I'm paying, right? Alright. Just checking. Taking care of an apartment--no matter what its size--is also a bit of work. And where is my daggone internet?! And crap, I forgot to make sure pest control can get inside to spray today...you have to take preventative measures. Ugh...just remembered that I haven't taken my car to get a new starter yet if that is even what the issue is. And oh, how I wish I could call Mom and tell her I need a dentist appointment. Now, she'd be like "...and..." so I need to figure out which doctor, dentist, ob-gyn and dermatologist I should go to in DC. I still haven't started studying for the GRE yet. Alright. I'm going to stop now. Because I see where this is going.

This is just a glimpse of the new beginnings I am sorting through right now. I'm not complaining. Not at all. I have so much to be thankful for. But I have so many things that are "susceptible to attack" and deal with so many situations where I am "susceptible to physical or emotional injury." Some people (usually the older folk) don't agree with how I've just stepped out into the unknown and am pretty much on my own...so I am also "open to censure or criticism and assailable."

At the same time, I have never felt so strong and independent. I have been learning more about myself recently than in all of my 23 years combined.

I've learned that I'm not as shy as I thought I was.
I'm not as out-going as I thought I was.
I get along with pretty much anyone.
People really irk me.
Being alone is good for me sometimes.
I cannot stand being alone sometimes.
I am not involved in as much as I want/need to be.
I do way too much.
I adapt to new situations quickly.
I am not always ready for change.
I love hard.
I am stingy with my love.

& it goes on & on...

When it comes down to it, we need these moments of vulnerability.

When you feel you are at your weakest point is when you find and identify your strengths.

HGKWW ::: inside out!!! [Part II]

Ready for the rest of the good-for-your-hair food list?

When we last talked (don't you feel like we have actual conversations? no? okay.), the last item I mentioned was eggs and how they are an excellent source of protein. Well, eggs aren't the only way to get your daily dose of protein...

#8

To prevent developing brittle and dull-colored hair, grab a piece of CHICKEN! Turkey is another bird that has plenty of protein that will keep your hair growing nice and strong. Don't get TOO excited yet...I recommend baking or grilling chicken instead of frying it to keep it on the healthy side. You'll reap the rewards of the birds much better that way and get more nutrients in exchange for all of that grease!

#9

To keep your hair color looking healthy, have good blood flow through your scalp and even fight dandruff, have a good helping of some WHOLE GRAINS. You may not be a raisin bran fanatic like me, but maybe sprinkling some grains in your yogurt (low-fat dairy is another plus for healthy hair) works for you. I sacrificed white bread for whole grain bread in my diet because it is a healthier and more beneficial option. There are plenty of whole grain bars choices out there that you could grab just for a snack. Even consider trying a breakfast cereal that includes whole grains.


Ok...one more? Let's end this with something a little more tasty...

#10

Vitamin C is great for your hair--it stimulates hair growth and helps your body absorb other goodies like amino acids and Vitamin B.  And one of the tastiest ways to get your fill (unless you really enjoy those pasty orange-flavored vitamins) is by eating fresh FRUIT. So feel free to indulge in plenty of oranges, melons, all kinds of berries, lemons and limes!
Now here's the FUN part!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.......foods to avoid.

I know totally eliminating the fun foods can be difficult...I suggest starting by cutting back...

I'll keep this painful list short and simple.

1. Caffeine (coffee, tea, soda...)
2. Sugar (not my candy!)
3. Starches (Lord knows how I love potatoes in every form)
4. Alcohol (not my margaritas!!!!!!!!)

These are the heavy hitters. And if you engage in any drug-taking or smoking? You need to nix that as well.

Summary of the goodies?

1. Water
2. Dark Green Vegetables
3. Carrots
4. Nuts
5. Salmon
6. Beans
7. Eggs
8. Chicken/Turkey
9. Whole Grains
10. Fruit

Pretty much just sounds like a bunch of things that you've always been told are good for you, huh...

Good luck on your journey to healthier hair...maybe luscious locks are the motivation you needed to get to a healthier you! Just remember...you can use the best hair products on this planet, but if you aren't taking care of yourself your hair will still suffer. Great hair care starts from the inside out =)



HGKWW ::: I don't believe we were properly introduced...

For those who have inquired, I will eventually be posting pics of my hair on a regular basis. I've just had some issues uploading pics. I know people don't like to take hair advice from people whose own hair they haven't seen. It's cool. I get it.

Here is evidence that I am not some balding wild banshee who is out to sabotage everyone's journey to healthier hair...

The last picture was taken a couple months ago in August. I had my 1st trim (which kinda turned into a cut :-/) in FOREVER. Hair grows back, though...so no worries. =)

HGKWW ::: What's in a name?

For those who are curious...and missed a much earlier post mentioning it...

HGKWW = Hair Gets Kinky When Wet

Random, huh?

I can actually thank my "BFF" for that. He was joking about how many guys like to go after girls with curly instead of "nappy" hair...even if that means settling for a Wet 'n Wavy weave...

One day on Twitter, he decides to call these ladies #TeamHGCWW...Hair Gets Curly When Wet...Unfortunately, there are people who believe that is the standard for true beauty and the epitome of "good hair"--a phrase I DESPISE, by the way.

I am a proud member of Team Hair Gets Kinky (NOT NAPPY) When Wet...[[[I have an earlier post here explaining why I use the word "kinky" instead of "nappy" to describe tightly curled hair.]]] As someone who has learned to love my hair and how to care for it properly, I think it is important for my fellow kinky-haired sisters to reach the same place of acceptance and love for their hair.

I basically took a joke about a topic that IRKS me & turned it around...

And so...I present to you...HGKWW =)




*To get ur HGKWW fix, just click on the "HGKWW" tab at the top of the page =)

HGKWW ::: inside out!!! [PART I]

If you love food the way I love food, you will probably not enjoy what I am about to say.

One of the best things you can do for your hair is eat right.

NO!!!!!!! Don't close out the window yet!!!!!!!!!!



Just hear me out, alright? I know that some of the most delicious foods are the worst for you. This really won't be that bad.

Now I could go and list all of the vitamins and minerals I know are good for you from my research over the years...but who really knows that a few good sources of Vitamin B are prunes, clams and avocado just off the top of their head? .........No, I meant besides me...........Right. So I am going to suggest some foods that can easily be found in your local grocery store. We'll take this slow and do this in parts. I do not want to overwhelm you in one post.

#1

I told you how important moisture is for your hair, right? Before you even go through the aisles of the beauty supply store searching for the perfect water-based moisturizer...you can get a headstart by drinking more WATER. Yes. Water. How much? Try to work your way up to following the "8 x 8 rule"...Eight 8-ounce glasses of water a day. Drinking water is the simplest way to begin growing healthier hair. And it's just good for you in general!

#2

Remember when Mom used to tell you to eat up all of your daggone vegetables? You're about to be mad you hid them in your napkin to throw out or feed to the dog. DARK GREEN VEGETABLES are great for your hair. They are sources of Vitamins A & C, iron and calcium. Spinach? Collard greens? Broccoli? Yes! They result in stronger roots and promote more growth.

#3

These aren't a green veggie, but CARROTS are another thing to add to the list. Carrots can do some good for your scalp and a healthy scalp is key if you want to grow healthy hair out of it. BONUS: Carrots are great for your vision. Carrots make for a healthy snack (I love dipping them in blue cheese and sometimes lose control) and can also be used as a salad topper.

Still with me? Good. Told you it is NOT that bad.

#4

In addition to being a good alternative to grabbing that big ol' bag of chips, NUTS help with keeping a healthy scalp and hair retention. I always enjoy walnuts and pistachios. Almonds, brazil nuts, cashews and pecans are sources of omega-3 fatty acids, selenium and zinc. (What does that mean? -__- ) Selenium strengthens your hair strands, a proper amount of zinc in your diet prevents shedding, and omega-3 fatty acids condition your hair and scalp.

#5

Speaking of omega-3 fatty acids, SALMON is your go-to for that! I am honestly not big on seafood. A doctor recommended taking fish oil tablets...After a few months I did notice a difference in my hair and nail growth, but grew tired of taking them. But I will tell you they work. Flaxseed oil is another alternative and you could always depend on those good ol' walnuts for your omega-3 fix. I also started cooking with OLIVE OIL to help make up the difference.

#6

BEANS, beans...good for your heart...the more you eat, the more you can expect to promote hair growth!!! Not how that goes, huh...Well, beans are a source of iron, zinc and biotin. I have mentioned iron and zinc, but biotin thickens the hair strand and prevents brittle hair.

#7

Your hair is primarily composed of protein. So it makes sense that you would need to include that in your diet! EGGS are probably the most accessible source of protein and even considered one of the best sources. You'll also get some Vitamin B and biotin out of them.

So now that you see that you were panicking for no reason, you can make the effort to include more of these things in your diet. Do not go crazy and try to live off of pecans, eggs and water. A balanced diet is the goal here. These are only a few of the MVPs...don't forget the rest of the team.

I am not expecting you to get up & switch your eating habits instantly. Taking on one thing at a time is a good way to get the ball rolling. Make goals. A checklist may help. It is worth not only healthier hair, but an overall healthier you.

WOTD :::purge:::

purge  (pûrj)

1. To free from impurities; purify. To cleanse.

2. To rid of sin, guilt or defilement.

3. To rid of people considered undesirable.

I feel like I've been going through a "purge" in the sense of all three definitions. This moment of my life has been full of the most changes I have ever faced all at once. I've had to adjust accordingly or risk being swept away by my overwhelming life. I keep saying that I have been learning more and more about myself every single day. And along with that I have been trying to grow and improve on different parts of me.This is a short walk through my recent purge--some important things I have learned and am still grasping along the way.

To free from impurities; purify. To cleanse.

One thing I really started to take serious this year was my physical health. It started with me being afraid of developing diabetes because family members kept popping up with it. Goodbye, Starburst. Goodbye, soda. Goodbye, Hershey Kisses. Goodbye, sugar that I dipped my strawberries in. I don't know if I was being paranoid and a bit extreme, but it didn't hurt. I don't even miss these things sometimes...even though when I do get my hands on them I usually binge for a week before I can give them up again. Shame.

I was 125 lbs when I graduated high school. I then had a college freshman 35. Luckily I was nothing but skin and bones in high school so I took it well. Over the past couple years, however, my metabolism has not been good to me and I no longer have default abs. Since December, I have been making it a point to workout regularly. I'm not perfect. I slack sometimes. I skip a week or three of exercising once in a while. But I always make sure I get back to it. SOMEthing is better than nothing. You do not have to run a marathon to live a healthy lifestyle.

Some people like to starve themselves eating these "healthy" meals and not exercise. Some people like to eat whatever they want and exercise like crazy. Both of these are wrong. You need to compromise. I try my best to make healthier decisions with my food and to exercise. So in addition to abandoning my love of sugar, I try to avoid fatty foods (PORK BACON FOR LIFE, THOUGH), monitor how many carbs I shove into my face (it was so hard to give up white bread), give the salt shaker a rest (no high blood pressure over here!) and watch my cholesterol (if you know me well, then you know how I feel about cheese...o, sadness). I am also addicted to water. You do not have abandon these foods completely. Just use moderation.

I started on the inside with my purge. Physically cleansed my way to a better me. You cannot expect to function well in other realms if you have not first made sure you take care of your temple. Yes. Your body is your temple. Plus, when you are confident in your body you begin to feel better about yourself as a whole. Many mental illnesses start with bad physical health. I'm not saying eatting more broccoli and doing yoga will solve your life problems, but it is a start.

To rid of sin, guilt or defilement.

One of the hardest people to forgive is yourself. Just like we bring up things in arguments that were argued over forever ago, we tend to throw past faults in our own faces over and over again.

Do not let your past mistakes define your future success.

Forgive yourself as well as other people. I cannot think of how many times falling short in the past has almost stopped me from reaching the mark the second time around. I always say fear can be paralyzing. So can guilt. As far as sin and defilement, yes--try to be the best person you can be. But out of sin, guilt, and defilement, guilt has been the hardest and most important thing for me to work on. If you live in guilt, you start to believe that you are simply a horrible person. If you believe you are a horrible person, you will begin to engage in horrible things and justify them with a "that's just who I am." Soon you really will just be a straight-up horrible person. All because you could not forgive yourself.

Some of the BEST people I know started out with the shadiest of pasts. That kind of history allows more room for growth. More mistakes = more learning opportunites. Just don't continue making the same mistakes. Actually LEARN.

This also applies to life goals. You cannot focus on how you wish you would have done this or gone for that or spoke to that person or sent that one email or showed up at that event or made that one phone call. All you have is NOW. There is no way to edit the pages you've already written. But it is never too late to write your way to a new ending. It's never too late to start working on a new chapter. There's nothing stopping you from wrapping this volume up and beginning the next one.

To rid of people considered undesirable.

Now THIS has been the most reoccuring definition of purge as of late.

First, let me say that I take my relationships seriously. I grew up being teased and emotionally bullied for years. I've had people lie to me or to others about me. Especially with women, I have a low tolerance for foolishness because girls were the ones who tormented me for all those years--all just to write in my high school yearbook upon graduation that they were sorry and didn't mean it and had no reason to treat me that way. Great. After the damage has been done. And because of that, I became wiser about who I allowed into my circle of friends.

Glancing at this present time in my life, I have NEVER been more content with the people that are in my circle. Yes, that circle has many layers, but it is a lovely circle. My circle is drama-free. I have a great support system. Even the recent additions to my circle have been purely God-sent. He was really watching out for me when He placed me in DC.

Getting rid of people, though? Is a hard and sometimes long process.

I've been joking with a friend who has been having friend issues all at once that maybe it is about that time for a PURGE. Not everyone is meant to ride along with you on your entire journey. This just might be their stop. And they might need a little help getting their seatbelt off and a little push on out the door. It is hard. But you need to keep people who will grow as you grow. And even if they are growing at a different pace or in a different direction, they must not be allowed to stifle your own growth.

Once in a while God has to give us a situation where we can plainly see who we are dealing with and we are forced to surrender our blindness. At that point, we HAVE to make a decision and more times than not that person needs to be removed. cleansed. purged from us. It is necessary.

I'm going to wrap this up because I know you all have lives to move on with.

But in summary:

At some point in our lives, we will all need to come to terms with a well-needed self-purge in order to grow and move on to the next step. When grooming a garden, you must remove all weeds, over-growth and dead branches and leaves in order to ensure that the healthy plants will be allowed to thrive. Remember: Your self-purge is needed for you to thrive. Your purge may not include exactly all of the things that mine has, but I'm sure they will be quite parallel.

HGKWW ::: Remix!!!!

Protective hair styles like buns, French rolls, twists and braids can get boring really quick...

It is so hard to do the right thing when it gets painfully bland. You need a dash of excitement...so remix it a little!

The fastest & easiest way to spice up a boring hairstyle is with ACCESSORIES.
>>>Headbands
>>>Barrettes
>>>Clips
>>>Flowers (real or fake)
...so many options. Since I'm away from home posting my fav hair accessories right now is a bit of a challenge...but I will add them to this post later on so look out for an update!

My second fav way to remix the same ol' same ol' is to add a lil extra somethin' somethin' to the basic hairstyle. This takes a lil more patience sometimes & you will have to experiment a little bit. I recommend NOT getting randomly creative when you are in a rush to get to work or class or some other important engagement if you know you are no good at bouncing back from hair fails.

>>>Bangs

WARNING: DO NOT GET SCISSOR HAPPY...ESPECIALLY MY NATURAL SISTERS--99% OF THE TIME YOU WILL REGRET IT!!!!!! You can create bangs without actually chopping your hair off. Part a separate section and swoop it back and to the side. Then you can blend it into the rest of your hair. If you already have cut bangs, alternate between pinning them back and letting them out.

And don't always worry about your hair having to be straight to wear bangs...you can wear your bangs natural, too!

>>>Placement
Rethink putting that bun in the same exact place on your head every day. Maybe a little higher this time or a little lower. Maybe to the side. Yeah, certain placements don't look great on everybody (I read this article on essence.com a couple months ago about finding the right bun placement for your face shape: http://www.essence.com/hair/hot_hair/hot_hair_buns_for_every_face_shape.php).
However, a bun is already in danger of being a stuffy hairstyle, so loosen it up a bit! Although they are not considered "protective styles" this can go for your afro puffs and ponytails as well.

>>>Get messy
Get over the every-hair-must-be-in-its-intended-place syndrome...give your hair some freedom. Give all of the gel and mousse a rest & put down that daggone brush. Let your natural texture just be. In the beginning it can be a little scary because society has been drilling into our brains that straight and laid down hair is what is beautiful. You may feel that you appear unkempt, but with a little time and practice you will be fine. Promise! Add a nice barrette or clip or even some fly earrings to complete your look.

>>>Braid/twist the front

One things I like to do (especially since I am growing out those bangs I just told you NOT to cut) is twist or braid the front of my hair...it gives a different look and keeps your hair back and out of your face if you don't want the hassle. I actually did it to my hair this morning! It is also a nice transitional style if you are waiting for your bangs to catch up to the rest of your length!

>>> "The pomp"

This is not something I necessarily do myself (I have a long head), but I've seen many a natural gal pull this off beautifully. If you're really brave, you can rock it like Janelle Monae...

>>>Style your braids/twists

I do hope you ladies realize that you do not have to wear your braids & twists down or in a ponytail. You can bun them, braid them, curl them...be creative!!! You can work with your braids and twists just as you would your hair if it was out.

How do you remix your not-so-exciting protective hairstyles? Don't hesitate to share!

HGKWW ::: Bundle Up!!!!!

Fall has begun & soon winter will be upon us!!!

We remember our stylish jackets & coats, fashionable scarves, cute hats, toasty gloves.....

But we always forget to protect our hair. Some things to keep in mind when braving the cold:

#1

If there is one word that comes to mind when I think about the cold weather & my hair, it is DRY!!!!!!!!!! Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!!!!! If ever there was a time to NOT be lazy & skip on the basics, this is it! Using a deep conditioner is a GREAT way to fight hair breakage. I also suggest avoiding heat as much as possible. Give wet sets a try or try to maintain your wrap so that restyling with heat won't be a daily thing! You will notice a difference...seriously!

#2

Protect those ends!!!!! All of those long flowing styles you let blow in the wind during the warmer months are not a good look for you during the cold. Those harsh cold winds cause brittle ends which lead to breakage. You do not have to completely walk away from wearing your hair out if that is truly "your thing." But that makes tip #1 that much more important. Otherwise, experiment with some cute buns and French rolls. If you like to weave it up, that might be a better choice if you really want to let it swing. Braids and twists are another option. I simply suggest that you find some styles that allow you to tuck away your ends at least from time to time to give them a rest.

#3

Remember those cute hats I mentioned before? Yes, they keep your head nice and warm, don't they? Well, your edges will be nice and COLD from the lack of hair on them if you aren't careful about the material of these hats. Materials like wool are rough and can pull on and break off our hair!!! Even scarves can be a culprit of this if they rub on the nape of the neck. I suggest that you use a hair scarf underneath your hats if they are made of rougher materials and keep hair up & away from your neck scarves. You won't go bald from ONE wear, but over time you will notice that something isn't quite right if you continue to not protect your hair. I mean unless Naomi Campbell is your idol...then do what you must.

#4

Now this is for my wet-and-go ladies...I am sorry to announce this, but you have to let that go during the winter months. Believe it or not, if you repeatedly leave the house with wet hair, your ends can freeze and snap off. Yes, it is true. Do not go outside with wet hair!!! Wet hair just really cannot handle the cold well. You also do not need to wash your hair as often. Try using less products that leave residue like gels and mousses or at least use smaller amounts so you can avoid having to wash and condition more than once a week.

Hope this helps...stay warm =)

140+ "It's Just Twitter"

I really truly believe that the "It's just Twitter" thing will get people in trouble.

I see people tweet their phone number.
I see people tweet their address & current location.
I see people tweet that they are using an illegal controlled substance.
They then proceed to twitpic that substance.
I see people tweet about how they hate their job.
They then proceed to tell us exactly where they work.
They even think it's important to explicitly tweet their boss' name & how they despise him.
People post twitpics & twitvids that would make their mama disown them.

People. The news quotes Twitter. Important public figures have gotten in trouble for tweeting foolishness. Celebrities are driving their publicists crazy by tweeting things they need to keep to themselves. Employers can find you on twitter just like they can find you on facebook. People tweet things that have caused their court trial cases to take a turn for the worst. Tweets have been used as condemning evidence in court. The police have made arrests because of reckless tweeting.

If someone tweets something that gets you upset, you have valid reason to be upset. What do they mean "it's just Twitter"?! Do the opinions that you hold not count when said on twitter? Oh, I get it. If you tweet something, it is not the same as if you had said outloud. There is Twitter Immunity. Right? Wrong. What makes your words any different on Twitter than if they were heard or read through a different venue? If you tweet something disrespectful about me via Twitter, I am not allowed to be offended because it is only Twitter? Twitter is often used for serious advertisement and promotion purposes, so obviously (Antoine Dodson voice) the social networking site's power is being taken seriously by many. I have even seen Twitter serve as another Craigslist for people.

I understand people crying about losing followers & launching Unfollow Back Wars...yes, in that case? It is only Twitter and you need to get it together. But you can't just say whatever you want and when people get upset or you get into trouble have "it's just Twitter" be your defense. Half the time, I feel like it is people's way of trying to make someone feel small for catching feelings from something they read on their timeline.

I tweet foolishness sometimes. I also never plan on running for any kind of political office or being famous lol

But seriously, what is this Twitter Immunity that people think they have?

questions? comments? criticisms?

I'm taking 'em all!!!!!!!!!

I like that people take the time to read what I have to say...as random as I may be some days...but give me some feedback!!!

You don't get something?
You like something?
You don't like something?
You want to add something?
You want to cuss me out?
Tell me!

Don't be scared. I don't bite. Hard. Unless you want me to =)

Gimme, Gimme!!! :::American Apparel Nail Lacquer:::

Ok...so I went through a time where I was addicted to painting my nails. I'm talking every other day. If a nail chipped, it took all that was in me not to attack both hands with the nail polish remover and re-paint. I found it therapeutic before it got out of hand.

I forced myself to avoid nail polish, but thanks to American Apparel new launch of these 24 amazing nail colors (with more colors on the way!)...I am feeling that itch again.

They are only $6 each & 3 for $15 in stores. So thank you in advance for showering me with gifts in the form of AA nail polish =) I love you all.

For my fellow nail polish fanatics: http://store.americanapparel.net/nailpolsh.html

HGKWW ::: brush it off!!!!!!!!!

People, people, people..............

I know this goes against all we know--but it's time to ditch the brush!!!

I've been asked what kind of combs & brushes I use...

I have my shower comb (go get one NOW)...

my comb I use to part my hair (rat tail comb)...

my big "cake cutter" comb (detangling comb)...

...but my brush? I abandoned that some years ago.

Brushes yank out your hair and can cause your ends to split. They are also awful awful awful for your edges (ooo, girl, my baby hairs?). Yes, girl. All you are doing is beating your hair into place. (Think back to getting your hair done for school in the morning......right.)

To compensate for the lack of brushing I've been doing, I have mastered a few smoothing techniques and discovered some products that make brushing pretty much unnecessary...but that is another blog post in itself--soon to come!

People have different preferences for combs depending on their hair needs--but brushes? I do not recommend using them. You do not have to walk away from your brush completely if you aren't comfortable or really can't bare to imagine life without it. Fine. But you should try to use it sparingly.

But I might make an exception for him...

WOTD :::communication:::

You can't expect someone to automatically know that you have a problem with them if you never tell them so. You simply can't. It's possible, but you shouldn't expect it.

You get an attitude.
You roll your eyes at them.
You give them the evil eye.
You stomp around.
You yell.
You pout.
You cry.
You speak sharply to them.
You do that thing they hate.
You ignore their phone calls.
You don't respond to texts.
You pick fights.
You send them subtweets.
You avoid them.
You snap at them.
You give them silent treatment.

Whatever it is you need to do to send the "I'm pissed at you" signal.

Ok, great. They know you are upset. Congratulations.

But now you expect them to know why without you ever coming forward and saying it.

Definitely not going to happen.

I am not totally innocent of doing this. I must have done each of these at least once in my lifetime.

After you get someone to notice that something is wrong, what is your next plan of action? What do you plan on getting out of this? I'm sure some form of resolution is the plan, right?

Then you need to say something. Speak up!!!!!!!! Initiate some conversation about the issue at hand before it explodes, although some of us need the explosion to get the talk started. I know I can get like that...sometimes it takes an "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!" moment to finally open your mouth. But that's fine. As long as you say something.

People really underestimate the power of communication. Now stop.

Think about how often you've had a falling out with someone that kept building up over the silence between you. When you finally talk, it's like "wow...that was dumb...[shrug]" & you move on with life like it never happened.

All I'm saying is don't lose people in your life because you want to play the who-will-go-the-longest-without-talking-to-the-other game. Don't let your pride cost you a relationship--whether it be friend, family, or a significant other. Don't let the fear of being vulnerable paralyze your relationships. Don't expect people to read your mind. And just stop being plain stank!

Put It On Repeat ~ Jazmine Sullivan "Break My Little Heart"

Now this is no new jam...

Not necessarily an old one either...

But if there has ever been a 2 minutes & 21 seconds that expressed how I feel in matters of the heart...

Jazmin Sullivan's "Break My Little Heart" is it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvW84i6dnJI

HGKWW ::: Water, plz!!!!!!!!

When you are thirsty, you do not drink the leftover bacon grease from this morning's breakfast nor do you indulge in a nice glass of vegetable oil.


You would probably like a glass of WATER...good ol' H2O...even though koolaid is always nice...

Yes. Your hair is STILL dry no matter how much grease you slap on it before bed or before you leave the house for the day. That is because to moisturize your hair you need WATER.

Tip #1: Ditch the grease.

• Years ago, our people began using petroleum for cosmetic purposes because it was inexpensive...skin moisturizer...chapped lips...to fight nail fungi...& even in our hair. Hair grease is basically an upgraded version of the petroleum jelly that African Americans once used for EVERYthing. Now we have access to this recent development called oil mosturizers...they are lighter products and do not block your pores and cause much much much less scalp buildup.

Tip #2: Use a water-based Moisturizer FIRST.

• Although they are called oil mosturizers, they do not really moisturize anything. Sorry. Big misnomer. They do not actually penetrate the hair shaft. What they DO do is lock in nutrients and seal in the moisture that already exists in your hair. You need a water-based moisturizer to successly moisturize your hair and then follow up with a light oil-based product to seal the hair follicles.

What do I use? Right now...

oils & butter

Products that contain: coconut oil, tea tree oil, carrot oil, olive oil, jojoba oil

Cantu Shea Butter Oil Moisturizer

Carol's Daughter Lisa's Hair Elixir

water-based moisturizers

Neutrogena Triple Moisture Silk Touch Leave-In Cream

Shea Butter Leave-In Conditioner
Organic Root Stimulator Olive Oil Moisturizer

Remember: oils NOURISH, but do not MOISTURIZE.

****I am karate-chopping the next person who asks me this in the throat =)

WOTD :::indifference:::

Today I found myself so fed up with something that I just didn't care anymore. I was willing to throw up my hands & just say "eff it." I was ready to just move on. And the word that came to mind about how I felt was "indifferent." But I knew I wasn't truly indifferent because I really did care despite what I was telling myself.

in·dif·fer·ent  adj.

1. Having no particular interest or concern

2. Having no marked feeling for or against

3. Not mattering one way or the other

Indifference is a dangerous state to be in. For any form of relationship, especially.

Whether it was positive or negative, you no longer have any sort of passion anymore for this something or someone.

Here are some quotes I've heard before on this topic...some heavy hitters...

"Forgiveness is indifference. Forgiveness is impossible while love lasts."
Mary Chesnut

• How often do we tell someone that we love that we have forgiven them? Deep down inside, however, you know you do not forget. And forgiveness is a process. A long process that never really comes to an end until you simply do not care anymore. As long as you love this person, you may keep tying references back to that incident you told them you forgave...even if you never actually tell them so. Overcoming these moments & not allowing the hurt in the past to boil over into the present is as close as we get to true forgiveness without having to be indifferent toward this person.

"Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike."
J. K. Rowling

"The most destructive criticism is indifference."Edgar Watson Howe

• Have you ever asked someone for their opinion and they've shot off nothing but negativity with no glimpse of constructiveness in sight? Have you ever asked someone for their opinion and they shrugged you off & said they did not even care? For many the latter would be more damaging. This person did not even dignify you with a response. I mentioned a lack of passion before. At least the negative criticism has some sort of fire behind it. It may not be what we want to hear, but the person cared enough to say something. You can even suggest that they add some constructive criticism since they have shown some interest. But if they don't care at all? This must be why feeling like you are being neglected and ignored hurts so much.

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference."
Elie Wiesel

• When you love someone, you make the effort to show them you care about them. You support them. Encourage them. You want to protect them. When you hate someone, you make the effort to show them you don't give a [expletive] about them. You shoot them down. You discourage them. You want to cause them harm. Either way, some form of effort is being made. The only difference is whether there are good or ill intentions. If you really want to show someone you do not care about them at all, give entirely no effort.

So this was one of my darker topics, but it has really been on my mind. This is why you must put in some amount of work to show that you want any kind of relationship to work. You can't just hang out and hope the other person just KNOWS how you feel without actually showing it. Your lack of action will be seen as neglect and your neglect will be seen as a sign of indifference.