purge (pûrj)
1. To free from impurities; purify. To cleanse.
2. To rid of sin, guilt or defilement.
3. To rid of people considered undesirable.
I feel like I've been going through a "purge" in the sense of all three definitions. This moment of my life has been full of the most changes I have ever faced all at once. I've had to adjust accordingly or risk being swept away by my overwhelming life. I keep saying that I have been learning more and more about myself every single day. And along with that I have been trying to grow and improve on different parts of me.This is a short walk through my recent purge--some important things I have learned and am still grasping along the way.
To free from impurities; purify. To cleanse.
One thing I really started to take serious this year was my physical health. It started with me being afraid of developing diabetes because family members kept popping up with it. Goodbye, Starburst. Goodbye, soda. Goodbye, Hershey Kisses. Goodbye, sugar that I dipped my strawberries in. I don't know if I was being paranoid and a bit extreme, but it didn't hurt. I don't even miss these things sometimes...even though when I do get my hands on them I usually binge for a week before I can give them up again. Shame.
I was 125 lbs when I graduated high school. I then had a college freshman 35. Luckily I was nothing but skin and bones in high school so I took it well. Over the past couple years, however, my metabolism has not been good to me and I no longer have default abs. Since December, I have been making it a point to workout regularly. I'm not perfect. I slack sometimes. I skip a week or three of exercising once in a while. But I always make sure I get back to it. SOMEthing is better than nothing. You do not have to run a marathon to live a healthy lifestyle.
Some people like to starve themselves eating these "healthy" meals and not exercise. Some people like to eat whatever they want and exercise like crazy. Both of these are wrong. You need to compromise. I try my best to make healthier decisions with my food and to exercise. So in addition to abandoning my love of sugar, I try to avoid fatty foods (PORK BACON FOR LIFE, THOUGH), monitor how many carbs I shove into my face (it was so hard to give up white bread), give the salt shaker a rest (no high blood pressure over here!) and watch my cholesterol (if you know me well, then you know how I feel about cheese...o, sadness). I am also addicted to water. You do not have abandon these foods completely. Just use moderation.
I started on the inside with my purge. Physically cleansed my way to a better me. You cannot expect to function well in other realms if you have not first made sure you take care of your temple. Yes. Your body is your temple. Plus, when you are confident in your body you begin to feel better about yourself as a whole. Many mental illnesses start with bad physical health. I'm not saying eatting more broccoli and doing yoga will solve your life problems, but it is a start.
To rid of sin, guilt or defilement.
One of the hardest people to forgive is yourself. Just like we bring up things in arguments that were argued over forever ago, we tend to throw past faults in our own faces over and over again.
Do not let your past mistakes define your future success.
Forgive yourself as well as other people. I cannot think of how many times falling short in the past has almost stopped me from reaching the mark the second time around. I always say fear can be paralyzing. So can guilt. As far as sin and defilement, yes--try to be the best person you can be. But out of sin, guilt, and defilement, guilt has been the hardest and most important thing for me to work on. If you live in guilt, you start to believe that you are simply a horrible person. If you believe you are a horrible person, you will begin to engage in horrible things and justify them with a "that's just who I am." Soon you really will just be a straight-up horrible person. All because you could not forgive yourself.
Some of the BEST people I know started out with the shadiest of pasts. That kind of history allows more room for growth. More mistakes = more learning opportunites. Just don't continue making the same mistakes. Actually LEARN.
This also applies to life goals. You cannot focus on how you wish you would have done this or gone for that or spoke to that person or sent that one email or showed up at that event or made that one phone call. All you have is NOW. There is no way to edit the pages you've already written. But it is never too late to write your way to a new ending. It's never too late to start working on a new chapter. There's nothing stopping you from wrapping this volume up and beginning the next one.
To rid of people considered undesirable.
Now THIS has been the most reoccuring definition of purge as of late.
First, let me say that I take my relationships seriously. I grew up being teased and emotionally bullied for years. I've had people lie to me or to others about me. Especially with women, I have a low tolerance for foolishness because girls were the ones who tormented me for all those years--all just to write in my high school yearbook upon graduation that they were sorry and didn't mean it and had no reason to treat me that way. Great. After the damage has been done. And because of that, I became wiser about who I allowed into my circle of friends.
Glancing at this present time in my life, I have NEVER been more content with the people that are in my circle. Yes, that circle has many layers, but it is a lovely circle. My circle is drama-free. I have a great support system. Even the recent additions to my circle have been purely God-sent. He was really watching out for me when He placed me in DC.
Getting rid of people, though? Is a hard and sometimes long process.
I've been joking with a friend who has been having friend issues all at once that maybe it is about that time for a PURGE. Not everyone is meant to ride along with you on your entire journey. This just might be their stop. And they might need a little help getting their seatbelt off and a little push on out the door. It is hard. But you need to keep people who will grow as you grow. And even if they are growing at a different pace or in a different direction, they must not be allowed to stifle your own growth.
Once in a while God has to give us a situation where we can plainly see who we are dealing with and we are forced to surrender our blindness. At that point, we HAVE to make a decision and more times than not that person needs to be removed. cleansed. purged from us. It is necessary.
I'm going to wrap this up because I know you all have lives to move on with.
But in summary:
At some point in our lives, we will all need to come to terms with a well-needed self-purge in order to grow and move on to the next step. When grooming a garden, you must remove all weeds, over-growth and dead branches and leaves in order to ensure that the healthy plants will be allowed to thrive. Remember: Your self-purge is needed for you to thrive. Your purge may not include exactly all of the things that mine has, but I'm sure they will be quite parallel.
